


Dysphoria Relflection

by Star_tDash



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Trans Female Character, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 19:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14142693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_tDash/pseuds/Star_tDash
Summary: /An original story/Our shadows; our darkest recesses of ourselves are what haunt us the most.





	Dysphoria Relflection

**Author's Note:**

> This was a story I wrote for my literature class; dealing with the topic of a monster made modern.
> 
> It has uncomfortable themes like dysphoria, so beware!

It is morning, and Donna’s day begins as usual. The incessant whirring of mechanical motors startles her awake from a restless night; her phone’s obnoxious alarm signaling that the day unfortunately must begin. Rolling out of bed, she does what’s needed; bathroom necessities, a quick trip through her closet to find today’s outfit, and two slices of bread with a frankly generous serving of Nutella. Slipping on her boots, she gives one more once over, before beginning to step out the do—

It’s there.

She sees it.

Something only reserved for the darkest of nights; a hideous form of something she just wanted to leave behind. That wolf, even thought it was herself in all respects, was nothing but a butchering of the real Donna; a painful, grim reminder about what she truly was on the inside. Hairy, bestial, primal; none of it was her, yet the werewolf was everywhere she went; even when she least expected it. Even though the wolf seemed to come on those dark, fateful nights, it’s presence was ever-known to her; there wasn’t a moment where she was not tormented by just the thought of how she… looked, as a werewolf.

Panicking, she looks at anything that she could have mistaken the wolf for: a coat, some clothing on the floor;  _ it couldn’t be him; it’s not time, there’s no possible way… _

Brushing the vision off as just her exhausted mind playing tricks on her, Donna locks the door behind her, gripping the strap of her purse as she makes her way down several flights of stairs. Her hands reach out the intercept the door’s crash bars, making her way out of her apartment building, and into the light of the early morning. As she does day after day, Donna makes her way down several blocks towards her workplace; a generic brand name clothing store that paid like garbage but was a necessary stepping stone to use until she could figure out what she could use her god-forsaken psychology degree for. Making her way into her store, Donna is met with a strained “Good Morning!”, followed by a quick “Oh-- nevermind, hey Dons” from her co-worker, Erin. Making her way towards the employee’s room, Donna gave Erin an enthusiastic wave, before closing the door behind herself to change. Opening her locker to change into a black t-shirt with her company’s name superimposed on it, Donna gave a small sigh of self loathing as she checked herself in the mirror. Where as Donna was not within her own realm of what being pretty was, being a broad shouldered girl, more akin to a tomboy; Erin was a completely 180 of that: peppy, lithe, cute and attractive in her eyes. Donna meant no ill will against Erin, but with how she looked at herself, not even mentioning the fact that she was a werewolf; she was, in her mind, not comparable. But as she usually does, Donna puts on an enthusiastic grin and steps into work, taking on her persona of a cute and happy girl working at a clothing store.

Miraculously, the first half of work goes smoothly for Donna. The customers come in to browse; most end up leaving after a few minutes, but a steady line of customers forms as it does most days Donna works. Among the hustle and bustle of work emerges a momentary sigh of relief as the afternoon shift workers make their way into the stores, giving both Donna and Erin a well-deserved break to go and get lunch. As she opens the front doors to walk to a nearby pizza place, Donna slips on a pair of headphones, and strides towards her destination. Walking in and paying for her lunch, she settles on a small chair up against one of the walls of the shop, with a wooden protrusion serving as a table to put her plate up on while she ate. Halfway through a bite of pizza, Donna absentmindedly checks her phone, scrolling through her social media to see what she missed out on. Pictures of cats, videos of recipes she’d never use, and lots of flattering photos of attractive people Donna only wished she could look like, much to the dismay of her self image. Working at a clothing store didn’t help her already waning self image either; every moment spent working was with pretty girls that made her pull her sleeves over her arms and fuss with her pants in frustration over how she looked. Finishing the last half of her pizza, Donna disposed of her garbage, leaving the pizza parlour to head back to work, hopefully not going too overtime on her lunch break.

Walking back to work, Donna gives a pained sigh as walks into the employee’s lounge, giving another farewell to her phone until her shift was over. Putting on that fake smile, Donna made her way back into the fray of work, pushing herself for the last few hours until she could finally leave.  While the last leg of work went as normally as it could have gone, her mind still couldn’t recover from that initial sighting of the werewolf that morning. The fact that she spent the last nine hours of her life putting on a fake smile didn’t help much either, only serving to make Donna wary of almost everything that moved or had any semblance of fur on it; fearful that she might see him again. Even as work finished, which should have spelled the end for any self-deprecating thoughts, Donna’s mind only worsened as she made her way out of her work, giving a small goodbye to her co-workers, in hopes that they couldn’t catch the anxiety plastered on her face.

Her mind was racing again; she knew she was going to see that vision of the wolf again; he was coming, and Donna knew that she had no choice but to face him. Trudging through streets of passerby, Donna’s eyes race as she sees figments of the wolf, over and over, plaguing her jittery, blurring vision. She sees it everywhere she looks; one man’s muscular and body, a boy’s shaggy wild hair; a wild grin showing rowing of menacing teeth from a sleazy man in a barely-buttoned up shirt. Breathing heavily in panic that she might transform at any moment, Donna’s pace quickens as she wracks her brain for any alternatives. Seeing the state Donna looks to be in, a passerby looks over at her twitching hand, which is clutched tightly on her purse strap, shaking slightly with fear. The worried, concerned look that the stranger gives Donna feels like a scalpel stabbing through her chest; his pity twisted to feel like mockery and shame in Donna’s mind.  In a fear-fueled panic, Donna makes a sudden turn into a smaller street; a shortcut that she didn’t usually take because of the dangers of walking in the dark in a not-so-savoury neighbourhood.

But at this point, she was willing to risk the chances if it meant that she got home sooner.

Looking grimly down the dark alleyway, Donna jumps back in horror, as she’s caught face to face with what seemed to be the very wolf of her nightmares. The shadowy form stares at her from the blurry, inky blackness, baring his teeth with a murderous intent. Even though she knows that he’s a part of her, Donna can’t help but be terrified of the wolf; the thick tufts of fur coating his body, the evil glint in his eyes; the fact that this was a part of Donna made her sick to the stomach. Knowing that the beast in front of her was just her mind playing tricks on her, Donna darts forwards in a bout of momentary adrenaline, kicking a pool of water to chase the apparition away. Seeing him skulk away with the ripples of water, Donna crumples to the floor, finally free from the presence of her pursuer. Catching her breath, Donna gets up off the grimy street floor, wiping down her jeans as she continues to make her way through the alleyway, pace quickening in desperation to finally get home.

Reaching the entrance of her apartment complex, Donna’s body slumped, muscles untensing in her body as her anxiety began to slowly dissipate, a welcome rest after what had just occurred. Opting to go upstairs via elevator (her legs tended to ache after standing almost the entire day at work) Donna finally made it back home. Kicking her shoes to her closet and throwing her purse onto her couch, Donna fully expected the warm embrace of home to finally wash over her, but… something felt wrong. As Donna poured herself a glass of water to clear her thoughts she tried to pinpoint what that feeling was, but all she could articulate it as was an uneasy, prickly feeling. As she made her way to the fridge to grab something to eat,

she could tell he was back.

Looking down at her hands panicking, Donna started to notice hair that didn’t fit her at all; what was supposed to be soft and near transparent hair was long and matched the color of her hair. She didn’t want him to take over; she was Donna, for God’s sakes! That wolf; he should have been long gone, but Donna only escape the wolf for so long until he came back, cruelly reminding her of what she was on the inside, all along. Dreading that was slowly becoming the wolf again, Donna made her way into her bedroom, discarding her work clothes into a laundry hamper, before setting foot in front of her vanity mirror. Standing in front of it, Donna could see, in plain view, that  _ he _ had already taken over; all she could do was wait until… she was back to just Donna.

But the wolf was her, at the end of the day. Those hairy arms, the scars across her chest, how, even as Donna, she bore resemblance to that wolf that she turned into on those rare nights. Those nights when her will to be Donna broke down; she would always be the wolf, no matter what; and there was no way of getting rid of him.


End file.
